Minerva and Dolores
by jampen
Summary: Dolores proposes something ridiculous that will cause hilarity and mayhem. This will be part of a longer story. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Minerva and Dolores**

Minerva McGonagall finished grading the last essay from the 5th years and sighed. She took her glasses off and pinched the bridge of her nose thoughtfully, contemplating the recent work. Hermione Granger's work was certainly incredibly complicated and had taken her back to her researching days and she had had to check some of her theories. In stark contrast Goyle's and Crabbe's were abysmal; she was beginning to wonder how they had passed all of their end-of-year exams. A first year could have done better, she smirked.

She stood up and wandered to the window, her mind now elsewhere. Glancing out of the glass pane she saw the short, toad-like figure of Dolores Umbridge observing a Care of Magical Creatures class. With her keen eyesight, she could see that Umbridge seemed to be enjoying herself immensely, whilst Hagrid looked desperately uncomfortable.

Minerva swore under her breath, in Gaelic, obviously.

"I'll hex that toad into oblivion if she tries any of that funny stuff with me." Glaring out at Umbridge she sincerely hoped that she could control her famous temper in her next lesson.

The bell rang and Minerva strode off to her classroom, books in her arms and a fiercely determined expression on her face. When she got to her class she was incensed to see Dolores Umbridge sitting on a revolting pink and frilly armchair in the corner. The fifth-years fell silent as Minerva swept up to her desk, firmly turning her back on Umbridge, placed the books on her desk and dug the essays out of her bag, subtly flicking her wand behind her and changing Dolores's chair into a high-backed mahogany chair. She heard Umbridge's squeal behind her and smirked. She distinctly saw Hermione, Harry and Ron grinning broadly in the front row.

"Mr Finnigan, please come here and hand back these essays and Miss Patil, could you give one of these teacups to each student."

"Hem, hem." The infuriating little cough that grated on Minerva's nerves punctuated the short silence. Minerva ignored it and started her lecture on the transfiguration of teacups to mice and back again.

"Now this will be harder than any other magic that you have attempted before. You need to concentrate hard on the object you wish your teacups to transform into. In this case, a mouse. Once you have turned the teacup into a mouse-" Minerva broke off. Umbridge had coughed again, more loudly than before and had scraped her chair forwards so that it was level with where Minerva was standing.

"May I assist you in any way, Dolores?" Minerva asked through tightly clenched teeth; adding in her mind-"off a cliff and into a pool of sharks."

"I was just wondering," Umbridge began, a horrible smirk playing across her wide, slack mouth. "Is this magic that you are demonstrating well below the recommended, Ministry-Approved level for fifth-years." Minerva almost laughed out loud at Umbridge's stupidity. She fought to suppress a smirk and then turned to Dolores in a sweet tone much like the toad's and said,

"Why Dolores, just because you failed your Transfiguration OWL doesn't mean that you have to make the level higher to make you seem hard-done-by. Not everyone is incapable of performing a simple switching spell or the magic I am demonstrating now." Minerva turned her back on her again and observed the class. Most of them were stifling giggles and huge grins and looking intently at the teacher and The Toad at the front.

Minerva carried on with her lesson and received no interruptions from The Toad until the class were packing up after the bell. She had just assigned the homework and was putting the ungraded papers in her bag when Dolores's sickening simper reached her ears.

"Minerva, may I have a word?" She gritted her teeth and turned round, imitating the sweet tone again.

"Why of course, _Professor_." Minerva emphasised the last word and attempted to put as much sarcasm into it as possible. Dolores looked at her venomously in a (failed) attempt to intimidate her. Minerva just looked at her attempting in vain to conceal a smirk. "Do you find something funny, dear?" The Toad asked as Minerva's mouth twisted upwards into a large grin. She quickly smothered it and looked at Dolores very sincerely. "Of course not, Dolores." She replied, "I was just remembering something that happened earlier that amused me _very_ much." Minerva inclined her head towards the chair that she had transformed very slightly but it was enough to infuriate Dolores, who, to Minerva's delight, was incredibly bad at disguising her feelings. "Aha!" The Toad said, "It seems you have hit upon the topic that I would like to discuss with you Minerva." "Have I now." Minerva replied dryly. "Yes! And I have sufficient evidence that you are not helping me to the fullest degree in my attempts to control this rowdy school with its annoying pupils and incompetent staff." "Oh, incompetent am I?" Minerva asked, smirking about what she was about to do. "Yes, I believe that I should take over your classes for a week to show you that I can control them better than you." Dolores concluded; a smug expression on her face that clearly showed that she thought she had put Minerva in her place. Minerva however, was Deputy Head of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Head of Gryffindor House, Order of Merlin Second Class and Transfiguration Professor, oh and also one of the youngest Animagi of the last century. That was her place. Minerva decided to play along. "Of course, Dolores, that would be an excellent idea. I shall draw up the lesson plans, as I'm afraid to say that you were utterly terrible at Transfiguration, and you can teach all of my classes for a week." Dolores looked totally satisfied and nodded at Minerva. "Well, dear, that is wonderful that you have agreed. I will hasten to add that if I prove a better teacher, then I will have to replace you and put you elsewhere." Minerva smiled sweetly in response and said, "Next week would be ideal Dolores. I shall draw up the plans tonight and give them to you on Sunday." She swept out of the room and back to her chambers. She was going to have some fun with Old Toad Face now. ·········································································································································· I am going to write another two chapters, maybe more. Please review and let me know whether you would like me to submit them. :-D Reviews are most appreciated! 


	2. Chapter 2

**Fun with Dolores**

Minerva sat down at her desk in her office and chuckled to herself. Umbridge was really in the shit now. She got out her lesson planner and headed the next week as: "Fun with Dolores".

She would need to enlist the help of Peeves, the trio and the rest of the school, perhaps excluding the Slytherins. Minerva picked up her quill again and started drafting out a plan on a sheaf of clean parchment. She scribbled down ideas about the Weasley twins' merchandise, fireworks and Cornish pixies left over from the infamous 2nd year's lesson a few years back. Hagrid had been looking after them but she was sure that she would be able to sneak them away for one lesson.

The plan was to lull The Toad into a false sense of security for the first two days and then let Miss Granger loose with her questions and excellent wand skills on the third day. The fourth day she would have practicals for every lesson. The magic would have to be reasonably difficult but not too hard to ensure maximum chaos for Umbridge. On the fifth and final day, there would be complete and utter mayhem. Peeves would have to be let loose with anything that could cause hell on Earth but with strict instructions.

Minerva put down her quill and looked down her timetable to see which classes were scheduled for the last two days. Fifth years, seventh years, second years and first years. Oh, and two lots of sixth years on the fourth day. Perfect. The Weasley twins, the trio and some easily excitable children with hormonal, moody sixth years.

She herself would be hidden in a cupboard as her tabby form to watch the chaos unfold. She would also set very specific homework to make the mayhem spread beyond the classroom.

Oh, this was going to be so much fun...


End file.
